Chris Lee Hodges Ministries

“Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?”  – Mark 8:34-36



I am lost in you, Oh Lord.  And then I get lost in myself.  And then I think of things I shouldn’t.  How is that I can be in your presence one moment, crying at your feet, taking the bread on my tongue, the sores on my leper heart burst, bleed and then are healed.  I die to myself and then you resurrect me with YOURself…then I die again in sin?  The enemy forks my heart!

I proclaim devout obedience in thought, word and deed then hop on my high steed and then forget my allegiance to you and the Creed.

I am your disciple.  This world has nothing I want.  What is it in me that makes me lie to you in even of what I just wrote? 

My life is yours.  But you won’t force me to do your will.  You want me by the choice of my own desire for you, for you wrote it inside my own heart that I want to love you. 

I am your princely wretch.  I am not worth your love.

But I lose my head because I want to lose everything for your sake.  Nothing I have is of my own accord.  All of my material possessions I own or rent because I created the method to attain all of it…

but….

You created my mind.  My brain would not exist to think if you never had thought me up in the first place.  I only exist because of you. 

Therefore all I have is yours.  All I touch and breathe, you granted.

I am nobody’s fool but my own, yet you love me.

No.  My soul will not be forfeited for the sake of this world that my feet stand on.  I will continue to die with you and resurrect my devotion and proclaim your passion to a world who is lost along with me, and feed your sheep until the beginning is completed in the end.